So it was another hard week without much progress in our investigators but it was a week of learning about myself so this email will be more personal then normal. So if you havent noticed already I’ve had a lot of time here in this area with little success and I’ve started to get really frustrated. For the most part I’ve stayed happy but overall I’ve thought a lot about why I’m still in this area and if Im learning what I need to to help the people here. So here are my thoughts about this week
I was just getting really frustrated that we arent very successful in this area and are having a hard time helping people actually commit to do things. I was asking for help but feeling like I wasnt receiving it which made me feel more frustrated and feel like I was doing something wrong. All of my studies were focused on this and I was reading my patriarchal blessing everyday. Thursday I had a (personal) revelation.
My revelation was this… according to my blessing my purpose in life is to help people come unto Christ so if Satan wants to “destroy” me or stop me from fulfilling my purpose the way to do it is make me feel helpless and unworthy to help. So this is going to be my struggle in life because its the greatest tool he has against me. I will always need to be careful to remember my divine nature and importance. But with this knowledge I still didn’t know what to do to fix things and feel better. So the next day I was talking with my companion about all of this and she helped me realize even more. I’ve been prideful and ungrateful for the things the Lord has already given me. I’ve been wanting things when I want them thinking that my plan is good so I deserve these blessing but I havent been allowing the Lord to work in His way. It took until Sunday to humble myself to the point that I could admit to the Lord that I was being prideful.
I received this answer during Sacrament meeting.. that everything is on the Lords time so yea.. maybe we aren’t having much physical success but what I’m saying to people and the things we are doing is what they need for another time but right now isn’t their time to act. So I’m feeling content with my work here now. Of course I want to do better but I have more confidence in the Lord and what he wants for me. It’s always important that it’s not our plan but our Fathers.
I am so grateful for every opportunity that my merciful Father in Heaven gives to me that he never gives up on me. I love Him so much. So thats what I learned this week. I hope it helps you all a little this week as well. Maybe not.. maybe its just me that needed it haha
Love you all! Have a wonderful week full of blessings and feelings of gratitude.